


The Golden Angel

by LilyK



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Gen, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29703969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyK/pseuds/LilyK
Summary: Starsky goes undercover in the wrestling profession after a pro wrestler's life is threatened.
Kudos: 1
Collections: Starsky & Hutch Original Series Transcripts





	The Golden Angel


    THE GOLDEN ANGEL
    
    Season 4, Episode 13
    
    Original Airdate: January 16, 1979
    
    Teleplay by: Joe Reb Moffly, Robert Dellinger 
    	and George Arthur Bloom
    Story by: George Arthur Bloom
    Story Editor: Rick Edelstein
    Created by: William Blinn
    Directed by: Sutton Roley
    
    Summary: Starsky goes undercover in the wrestling profession after a pro wrestler's life is threatened. 
    
    Cast: 

David Soul ... Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson

Paul Michael Glaser ... Det. Dave Starsky

Antonio Fargas ... Huggy Bear

Bernie Hamilton ... Capt. Harold Dobey

Steve Oliver ... Buzzy Boone

Lynn Benisch ... Candy Reese (as Lynn Benesch)

Hilary Beane ... Camille Boone

Richard Karron ... Hammerlock Grange

Ray Walston ... Tommy Reese

George Reynolds ... Caterer

Mike Foster ... Policeman (as Michael Foster)

Paula Victor ... Stella
    
    
    **Interior - Day - 4th St. Gym**
    
    GRANGE: One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two...
    
    BOONE: Hammer.
    
    GRANGE: ...three--
    
    BOONE: Wanna work on the slam?
    
    GRANGE: Who, me or you?
    
    BOONE: Me? My grandmother invented it. I'm thinking about you. Maybe you need the practice.
    
    GRANGE: What, you think I need it?
    
    BOONE: It's up to you, you know. Huh? Doesn't make any matter to me. It's no skin off my nose.
    
    GRANGE: Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Let's just do it, all right?
    
    BOONE: Whatever you say, big fella. Hey, hey! Ho!
    
    GRANGE: Hey, Buzzy. What was that you were saying about someone needing practice in the slam? I didn't catch that. Was it me or you?
    
    BOONE: Give me a hand, you jelly-bellied missing link.
    
    GRANGE: Sure. Only because you talk nice to me. You're okay.
    
    BOONE: Thanks, pally. Oh! I've been shot.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Squad Room**
    
    HUTCH: Good morning, everybody. What's this? A catalog for the fall line of Dino Ferrari.
    
    STARSKY: Mm. Hey.
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: Check that out.
    
    HUTCH: A catalog for the fall line of Cartier.
    
    STARSKY: Yep.
    
    HUTCH: Don't tell me, Starsky, hit it big at bingo last night.
    
    STARSKY: I sure did. And this is my winning card.
    
    HUTCH: Why, what is it?
    
    STARSKY: It's just a little note from Block, Block, Harvey and Block informing me that-- 
    
    HUTCH: "You are mentioned-- Mentioned in your uncle's will--" 
    
    STARSKY: Who died last week at the ripe old age of 93. 
    
    HUTCH: "Your presence is requested for the reading of the will." 
    
    STARSKY: In three days.
    
    HUTCH: Sorry, Starsk.
    
    STARSKY: About what?
    
    HUTCH: About your uncle.
    
    STARSKY: Thank you.
    
    HUTCH: SO, uh... how much was the old buzzard-- the old man worth?
    
    STARSKY: Ten million dollars.
    
    HUTCH: Ten million dollars, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Huh.
    
    HUTCH: Guess you could say you sort of hit the jackpot, huh?
    
    STARSKY: I sure did. I mean, one week from today, I'm gonna be cruising these streets with a Cartier on my wrist, a Maserati under my butt, and leisure on my mind.
    
    HUTCH: I don't see it, Starsk.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: I just don't see it.
    
    STARSKY: Wait a minute. What do you mean you don't see it?
    
    HUTCH: Starsky, it's just not meant to be. I mean, it takes all makes and models to fill that four-lane highway we call life.
    
    STARSKY: Sure it does.
    
    HUTCH: Some of us are Bentleys and Rolls.
    
    STARSKY: That's right.
    
    HUTCH: Some of us are Cadillacs and Corvettes. Some of us are, uh, Dino Ferraris. And then there are guys like you.
    
    DOBEY: You two, get in that Torino and get hot.
    
    HUTCH: Well, you never said "good morning," Captain.
    
    DOBEY: Know where the Fourth Street Gym is?
    
    STARSKY: Sure, we know it.
    
    DOBEY: Go down there and see a guy named Buzzy Boone. Somebody took a shot at him this morning.
    
    STARSKY: In the gym?
    
    DOBEY: Right arm. Small-caliber weapon.
    
    HUTCH: Any witnesses?
    
    DOBEY: Plenty. But nobody saw who pulled the trigger. In fact, nobody heard the shot.
    
    HUTCH: Probably used a silencer.
    
    STARSKY: Probably didn't even use a gun.
    
    DOBEY: Probably. Look, I wanna tell you two something. If the guilty parties came in here and gave themselves up, you two would be out of a job, wouldn't you? Now, get on it.
    
    STARSKY: Captain--
    
    HUTCH: Ah. Not until after they've read the will, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Okay.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - 4th St. Gym**
    
    HUTCH: You know, I used to work out in a place like this.
    
    STARSKY: Really?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: Look at that.
    
    HUTCH: Really brings back those memories, you know? U-used to be pretty good too.
    
    STARSKY: No kidding.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. See that?
    
    STARSKY: See this? Hey.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. Look at that. Awful lot of him down there, isn't it?
    
    HUTCH: See this?
    
    STARSKY: What's his problem?
    
    HUTCH: I don't know.
    
    STARSKY: Whoa.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    STARSKY: Peace.
    
    HUTCH: See this?
    
    STARSKY: Speed bag.
    
    HUTCH: I used to do that.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    STARSKY: Do I know you? Walk a mile for a Camel.
    
    CANDY: (on phone) Ah, come on, Jimmy, you know me better than that. Sure, w-- Yeah-- We're after a little attention, but, uh, taking a shot at one of my star groaners is not exactly publicity, that's attempted murder. 
     
    REESE: Tell him to drop dead.
    
    CANDY: (on phone) He said to tell you to get out of bed. No. He knows you're not in bed, Jimmy. I think he was speaking figuratively, like maybe you should wake up and, uh, see that what happened here deserves a little more than the usual two inches on page eight. (pause) 
    
    REESE: Yeah, what do you want?
    
    STARSKY: Detective Sergeant David Starsky. This is Detective Sergeant Kenneth Hutchinson. We'd like to talk to you for a few minutes.
    
    REESE: What for? So I can hear from two more mouths about how shooting my wrestlers is good for selling tickets but morally wrong?
    
    CANDY: Pop. (on phone) Listen, I'll get back to you later, okay? Just do what you can. (pause) Come on. (on phone) All right, goodbye. (end) I'm Candy Reese. 
    
    HUTCH: Kenneth Hutchinson.
    
    STARSKY: David Starsky. How you doing?
    
    CANDY: Tommy Reese. Buzzy Boone. You know him as The Golden Angel. My fiancé.
    
    REESE: Don't take it personally, Buzzy. We never heard of them either.
    
    CANDY: Uh, Pop's a little upset. 
    
    HUTCH: Well, that's understandable.
    
    REESE: Yeah. By who? Let me ask you something: Do you know who I am?
    
    STARSKY: Sure. He used to be on television. He used to call the matches. Wrestling's answer to Howard Cosell.
    
    REESE: I ought to be grateful for little favors, right? You're only half wrong. Which half? I'm still on television, I'm still calling the matches.
    
    STARSKY: Oh. Sorry. I guess I haven't been keeping up with wrestling lately.
    
    REESE: Yeah. You and 10 million others.
    
    HUTCH: Ratings aren't too hot, huh?
    
    REESE: You wanna know how bad things are? I'll tell you how bad things are. I had a call this morning from a sports hack who heard about the shooting. He wanted to know if Buzzy as trying to commit suicide. That's how bad things are.
    
    CANDY: Pop, take it easy, will ya. Buzzy, tell them what happened.
    
    BOONE: Well, like I told the other cops, I was in the gym working out some gags with Hammerlock Grange. Somebody took a shot at me. I think it came from the, uh, rear exit back there. I don't know why they did it, but you tell me.
    
    STARSKY: Well, do you have any enemies?
    
    BOONE: Me? No. All my fans love me. I always play the good guy.
    
    STARSKY: What about phone calls, letters, threatening remarks? Anything like that?
    
    BOONE: Good guys don't get threats. Talk to Hammerlock Grange, talk to the bad guys. He gets three dozen threats every week. Guys that are gonna smash his face in. They're gonna chew his ears off. 
    
    CANDY: And those are the nice letters.
    
    BOONE: No. You can't take them too seriously.
    
    HUTCH: I think it's about time somebody did.
    
    STARSKY: Before somebody gets killed.
    
    REESE: Yeah. That's your department, isn't it? Huh?
    
    STARSKY: How long you known Buzzy?
    
    CANDY: Oh, a long time. He's been married for eight years. Divorced two. If you knew his ex-wife-- Camille's her name. Dizzier than a jailhouse mouse.
    
    HUTCH: What about the fans? I mean, they get pretty worked up, don't they?
    
    CANDY: Sure, but they're faithful. I mean, they're all we got. There isn't a single one out there who'd like to see us lose any more than we have.
    
    STARSKY: You really love this sport, don't you?
    
    CANDY: Yeah, I do. Partly because it-- Pop's been at it 30 years. Partly because
    I'm a promoter. I mean, that's my job. It's what I do. And because of Buzzy. I'm crazy about him. But mainly because there are a lot of good people involved in a sport that's as stale as yesterday's mashed potatoes.
    
    HUTCH: And you're the one that's gonna breathe a little life into it?
    
    CANDY: Or let it fade away with some dignity.
    
    STARSKY: Candy, what's the possibility that whoever fired the shot this morning was just trying to buy you guys a headline?
    
    CANDY: I hope not. The way our press has been lately, they're gonna have to kill somebody before we get off the back page.
    
    HUTCH: Did Buzzy have any bad habits? Had he been in any trouble?
    
    CANDY: Well, he plays the ponies once in a while, gets in over his head.
    
    STARSKY: Is he in over his head now?
    
    CANDY: Kind of. But Stella's bailed him out.
    
    HUTCH: Who's Stella?
    
    CANDY: An old moneylender. She runs a thrift shop over on Main Street. She's bleeding him dry.
    
    STARSKY: Doesn't sound too good.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Women's Guild Thrift Shop**
    
    STARSKY: Hello? Anybody home? Afternoon.
    
    STELLA: My watch could've told me the same thing without being asked. And lay off that bell.
    
    STARSKY: Hm? Oh. Heh. Excuse me.
    
    STELLA: Mm...
    
    STARSKY: Um...Stella, right?
    
    STELLA: Oh, do I give you the prize now or later?
    
    STARSKY: Uh, Starsky, David. Police.
    
    STELLA: All right, what's on your mind, Curly?
    
    STARSKY: High interest rates. Usury.
    
    STELLA: Oh, that's an ugly word.
    
    STARSKY: Well, it's an ugly business. What would you call it?
    
    STELLA: Friends in need.
    
    STARSKY: Friends in need. Not bad. Now, speaking of which, could you, uh, tell me about Buzzy Boone? Golden Angel.
    
    STELLA: Is that a cartoon?
    
    STARSKY: He's a wrestler.
    
    STELLA: Sorry.
    
    STARSKY: Nothing, huh?
    
    STELLA: Nothing.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Stella.
    
    STELLA: Hm?
    
    STARSKY: Your rear door's blocked. You don't have a sprinkling system. You don't have a fire extinguisher in evidence. You got a semi-automatic rifle over there that any 5-year-old kid could make fully automatic in a matter of minutes. Any one of these violations reported--
    
    STELLA: All right, all right, all right. So Buzzy's a client of mine. So what?
    
    STARSKY: How much is he into you for?
    
    STELLA: About, uh, 1,800.
    
    STARSKY: Eighteen hundred?
    
    STELLA: Mm-hm.
    
    STARSKY: Is he making his payments?
    
    STELLA: Right on time. Well, he's lagging a little bit. Why?
    
    STARSKY: Somebody took a shot at him.
    
    STELLA: So, what are you looking at me? Dead man don't pay his debts.
    
    STARSKY: I didn't say he was dead. Clean up your act,  Stella. You got the whole town talking about you.
    
    STELLA: Clown.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Dobey's Office**
    
    HUTCH: So, what did Ballistics say?
    
    DOBEY: It was a door-triggered blasting cap. Just good for a scare, is all. So, that's the suit The Golden Angel wears in the ring, huh?
    
    CANDY: Right down to the mask.
    
    HUTCH: Well, anyway, ten minutes after this disaster happened, Buzzy gets a phone call. 
    
    DOBEY: From whom?
    
    HUTCH: Couldn't identify the voice, but he said the real surprise is gonna be on Saturday night... when he dies.
    
    DOBEY: Will Buzzy cancel the fight?
    
    CANDY: No.
    
    DOBEY: Why not?
    
    CANDY: It's an important match between Buzzy and Hammerlock Grange. We've been promoting it for three months. Costs a lot of money. Buzzy knows that. And he knows what it'll cost us if we have to cancel the fight too.
    
    DOBEY: If Buzzy gets killed, does he know what that's gonna cost you?
    
    
    **Interior - Day - 4th St. Gym**
    
    STARSKY: Okay, uh... I wanna get a general idea of how it happened, you know? I mean, where was, uh, Buzzy sitting or standing, and where were you standing, and like that.
    
    GRANGE: Okay.
    
    STARSKY: Right.
    
    GRANGE: I was, uh, right about here.
    
    STARSKY: Right.
    
    GRANGE: And Buzzy was just about there.
    
    STARSKY: Right about here.
    
    GRANTE: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: And then you heard a shot?
    
    GRANGE: No, no, not yet.
    
    STARSKY: Oh. What?
    
    GRANGE: Look. You said you wanna see just what happened, Right?
    
    STARSKY: Right.
    
    GRANGE: Okay. Then I'll show you. Put your hands out in front of you like this. 
    
    STARSKY: Like this.
    
    GRANGE: Yeah, that's okay.
    
    STARSKY: Okay. And then what happened?
    
    GRANDE: Then Buzzy said we should practice the slam.
    
    STARSKY: What's the slam?
    
    GRANDE: Look, you wanna see how it happened, or you wanna talk about it? Which is it gonna be?
    
    STARSKY: I wanna see how it happened.
    
    GRANGE: Okay. The first thing that happened was this.
    
    STARSKY: What did you do that for?
    
    GRANGE: You mean, the slam?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    GRANGE: That's the thing I did to Buzzy.
    
    STARSKY: Oh.
    
    GRANGE: Give me your hand.
    
    STARSKY: He's gotta be kidding.
    
    GRANGE: Give me your hand.
    
    STARSKY: What was that?
    
    GRANGE: The shot. And Buzzy went down just like you and then grabbed his arm.
    
    STARSKY: Oh. I guess, uh, that was the way it happened, huh?
    
    GRANGE: Pretty close. I could probably get closer  if you wanna go through it again. You wanna?
    
    STARSKY: I think I got the general idea.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Camille's Place**
    
    CAMILLE: Buzzy was all that I had,all that I wanted for eight wonderful years, years.
    
    HUTCH: What happened to break up the marriage? 
    
    CAMILLA: Change, change. Not so much in Buzzy, but in me, me. A dozen years ago, when we met, we were like parallel lines, lines. Perfectly matched. Always together.
    
    HUTCH: And then what happened?
    
    CAMILLA: Buzzy was older by 10 years, years. All the changes that come to us had already come to him, him.
    
    HUTCH: And what about you?
    
    CAMILLA: The parallel lines began to separate. And after a few years, there was nothing to hold onto, hold onto. We began here. We ended here, here.
    
    HUTCH: Well... Mrs. Boone, do you have any regrets?
    
    CAMILLA: How can you regret a thing as natural as change, change? Can you predict...
    
    HUTCH: Mrs.--
    
    CAMILLA: ...the path of a vine? Here today, today. There tomorrow, there tomorrow. The next day--
    
    HUTCH: Ah, what about Buzzy, Buzz--? What about Buzzy? How did he take this?
    
    CAMILLA: I like to think that he understood, understood. In his own way. I like to think we're still friends, still friends.
    
    HUTCH: Mrs. Boone? Mrs. Boone? Mrs. Boone?
    
    CAMILLA: I am love. I am earth. I am water. I am goodness. I am goodness.
    
    HUTCH: Mrs. Boone?
    
    CAMILLA: I am goodness.
    
    HUTCH: Mrs. Boone? Camille? Mrs. Boone. Somebody is trying to kill Buzzy. Can you understand that?
    
    CAMILLE: The light and the dark are deceptions. By one, we are shadows. By the other, ghosts. But in love, we are solid. In love, we are true. In love, there is reason for all that we do.
    
    HUTCH: Okay, space chicken.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - 4th St. Gym**
    
    WRESTLER: Buzzy!
    
    REESE: Come in! Good morning, kid. Beautiful morning, isn't it?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, I guess so.
    
    REESE: See the sports section yet?
    
    HUTCH: No. Not yet.
    
    BOONE: I ought to be cracking open a bottle of champagne.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah? Why's that?
    
    BOONE: We made it all the way to page three. How about that, huh? First time we got within splitting distance of the first page since Tony Rocca won 180 grand back in 1959. 
    
    HUTCH: "Wrestler Claims Victory in Unscheduled Bout With Dummy." Not exactly what you'd call your heavyweight reporting, is it?
    
    REESE: Do you think I care? It doesn't matter to me what they say, as long as they say something. I'm damn tired of being ignored. Four thousand years of a sport. Did you know that?
    
    HUTCH: What's that?
    
    REESE: How does that compare to golf? How does it compare to tennis or baseball or even boxing? We've got a heritage that's older and bigger and prouder than all those pill dunkers, dink artists, horse hiders and canvas kissers put together. Well, I think it's high time we started getting paid a little respect, don't you?
    Read it again. Read it again.
    
    BOONE: Tommy, there's something in my locker. I don't think it's a dummy this time.
    Unless you know one that ticks. Third one down on the right hand side.
    
    HUTCH: What do you got?
    
    POLICE OFFICER: Can't tell. But I wouldn't wanna be around when it stops ticking.
    
    HUTCH: Did you call the bomb squad?
    
    POLICE OFFICER: They're on their way.
    
    HUTCH: I want you to clear out the gym. Why don't we clear out of here until the bomb--? Get down!
    
    MECHANICAL SKULL: Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night! Die Saturday night!
    
    
    **Interior - Day - The Pits**
    
    HUGGY: Hit it, baby. All right. Hey, Hutch. Now what is the real deal with Starsky and this inheritance thing?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, you heard about it too, huh?
    
    HUGGY: He's telling it all over town.
    
    HUTCH: Well, he's, uh-- He's in the old man's will, and I think he's spending more time, uh, talking about it than he is on this case.
    
    HUGGY: Huh. 15 million, I would too. Hey, you sure you want anything else?
    
    BOONE: Everything's fine, thank you.
    
    HUGGY: Enjoy.
    
    CANDY: Buzz, they're talking about canceling the-- the fight Saturday night.
    
    BOONE: What about you, Candy? What do you think?
    
    CANDY: Well, now that it's come down to this, I don't know. I really don't know. We're talking about your life.
    
    HUTCH: Buzzy, I got a lot of respect for what you do. But times change things. Look at the circus. I mean, i-i-it's-- It's dying. Vaudeville's dead. Nightclubs have turned to disco. And if you think that this fight on Saturday night is gonna change
    or save--
    
    BOONE: I got news for you, pally. I don't go in that ring Saturday night, Candy and me, neither one of us have a life. Wrestling is our life. And I'm not gonna let anybody take that away from us.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Television Studio**
    
    GRANGE: Lookit, your halo is crooked.
    
    BOONE: Oh. Well, straighten it out, Ham, huh?
    
    GRANGE: Yeah.
    
    REESE: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Good evening. This is KBEX, "Spotlite of Sports." And this is Smiling Tommy Reese. Tonight, an extra-special event. An exclusive interview with the wrestling champion of the  world. The one, the only, Golden Angel. And the man you've all learned to hate, Hammerlock Grange. As we wait, ladies and gentlemen, for the arrival of our two garrulous grapplers, let's just take this moment to ponder the incredible events these past two days in the life of The Golden Angel. One question looms in the minds of wrestling fans everywhere. Will the fight go on? Can the fight go on-? And here he is now, folks. 
    
    BOONE: Do you want an answer to that, Tommy?
    
    REESE: That avenging Angel--
    
    BOONE: I'm telling the whole world. The fight's gonna happen Saturday night no matter what. Now, do you hear that out there?
    
    GRANGE: I hear you! Now let me tell you something.
    
    BOONE: Ah!
    
    REESE: Sit down! Sit down!
    
    GRANGE: There ain't nobody that's dumb enough to believe all those lies that we have to listen to. People taking shots at you. 
    
    REESE: Putting bombs in your locker. You hear this, folks?
    
    GRANGE: Calling you up with death threats.
    
    REESE: Sit down! Sit down! Just a minute there, Hammerlock. You and I both know for a fact that the Angel was shot at, that there was a bomb in his locker. That is the gospel truth.
    
    GRANGE: Oh, yeah? 
    
    REESE: Yes, folks, you heard that.
    
    GRANGE: And I say that you're a bigger liar than he is, Tommy.
    
    BOONE: I'm gonna get you, you tub of guts. No matter how many times they try to kill me, I'm gonna get you.
    
    REESE: They hate each other, folks.
    
    BOONE: They might have to carry me into that ring on a stretcher Saturday night, but I guarantee you something right now, fat boy: You're the one! You're the one that they're gonna have to carry back out!
    
    REESE: Are you willing to swear right here and now that the fight will go on, on Saturday? Is it on?
    
    BOONE:  The fight's still on...
    
    REESE: The fight is on. ...just as long as they leave me...
    
    REESE: You be there, folks.
    
    BOONE: ...one leg to stand on, and one fist to punch that fat man in the face with.
    Two teeth to spit out in his face!
    
    REESE: Oh, they hate each other, folks. They really hate each other.
    
    BOONE: The fight is on.
    
    REESE: They hate each other.
    
    BOONE: And I'll promise you something else, Tommy Reese. It might take place right here. I promise you that if I find out somewhere along the way that this mush-brained imitation of an athlete had anything to do with the attempts on my life, then, Tommy, you better get yourself a priest ringside, because Hammerlock's gonna
    need him for his last fight.
    
    REESE: I'll have him here. I'll have him here. Watch out, Hammerlock.
    
    REESE: Did you see that, folks?
    
    GRANGE: If I wanted you dead, Angel--  
    
    REESE: You hear that?
    
    GRANGE: --you'd have been in hell long before now.
    
    REESE: Uh, Saturday night, folks.
    
    GRANGE: Nobody accuses me...
    
    REESE: The grudge match of the decade.
    
    GRANGE: ...of trying to kill a man!
    
    REESE: You heard it, boys and girls.
    
    GRANGE: You hear what I said?
    
    REESE: The grudge match of the decade. Officers, police... take them away. Take 'em out. Take 'em out.
    
    GRANGE: You hear me? I want you.
    
    REESE: ...ladies and gentlemen. This is Smiling Tommy Reese.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Dobey's Office**
    
    HUTCH: (on phone) Talk to you later. Bye-bye. (end)
    
    STARSKY: What was that about?
    
    HUTCH: Uh, Candy just got a call from the station that's televising tomorrow night's fight. And they're expecting the largest home audience they've had all year.
    
    STARSKY: Well, that's terrific. Hi-ai-ai-ai. We've got less than 24 hours, and we do not have clue number one.
    
    DOBEY: Well, you better do something. Because if Buzzy's killed, it just means somebody's done their job, and we haven't done ours.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - 4th St. Gym**
    
    STARSKY: We got less than 24 hours. Now, either we find this killer, or this crackpot or whoever he is, or you're gonna go in that ring, and you're gonna take the biggest chance of your life.
    
    BOONE: I'm telling you, I don't know anybody that would wanna kill me.
    
    STARSKY: Trace it?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: Okay, look... Don't pick up till we tell you to. When you do, keep him on as long as you can. You got it? Let's go.
    
    HUTCH: (on phone) Yeah, put a trace on a public phone at the Fourth Street Gym. Um... (pause) 
    
    STARSKY: 555-7019.
    
    HUTCH: (on phone) 555-7019. Right. (end) Come on. Now.
    
    BOONE: (on phone) Hello? (end) If you guys got a plan, I'm ready to hear it.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - 4th St. Gym**
    
    STARSKY: Me and Hammerlock. 
    
    BOONE: You've got to be kidding.
    
    REESE: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Look, kid, you gotta try and understand something. Wrestling isn't all sport these days. You know that and we know that.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    REESE: But what you're suggesting is crazy.
    
    HUTCH: Unless you can come up with something better, that's all we got.
    
    REESE: All right. You got it. But it's your funeral.
    
    BOONE: Yeah, Tommy--
    
    REESE: Shut up. I said, they got it.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    CANDY: But don't you think we ought to at least let Hammer in on it?
    
    HUTCH: No. The fewer people that know about this, the better.
    
    CANDY: Yeah, but Hammer's gonna know from the first that it's you.
    
    BOONE: No. Hammer gets in the ring, he won't recognize his own mother. He goes bananas at the sound of the bell.
    
    HUTCH: Really?
    
    STARSKY: Uh... Ahem.
    
    HUTCH: Oh.
    
    STARSKY: Did you hear that?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: Um, this idea of yours...
    
    HUTCH: Yeah?
    
    STARSKY: Well, maybe it's not such a good idea after all.
    
    HUTCH: It'll be a snap.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Television Studio**
    
    REESE: Ladies and gentlemen. Please, please. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is Smiling Tommy Reese, coming to you live through the courtesy of KBEX, and bringing to you the world's heavyweight championship wrestling match of the decade.
    
    From Macon, Georgia, weighing in tonight at 347 and one-half pounds, a giant of a man, who has won an amazing 346 out of 362 fights. Possibly the most notorious figure in all of professional wrestling today: the incredible,  the magnificent 
    Hammerlock Grange!
    
    Ladies and gentlemen. From Santa Monica, California, a man whose face has never been revealed in a wrestling arena since he began his remarkable professional career 14 years ago. The current heavyweight champion of the world. Perhaps the most loved and respected man in the sport of wrestling today. Your friend and mine,
    The Golden Angel.
    
    BOONE: Don't forget your mask.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    REESE: Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, your referee for tonight's fight, a newcomer to the area, a former middleweight champion himself from Miami, Florida, Louie "The Nose" Dicarlo.
    
    HUTCH: Stay down. Have a nice fight, huh? Oh, sorry. Tommy, how are you? It's nice to see you again.
    
    REESE: Ladies and gentlemen, this will be a one-fall, no-time-limit match, the winner being the first man to pin his opponent's shoulders to the mat for a count of three, regardless of how long it might take, uh, to reach that point.
    
    HUTCH: I always love to see you, Tommy boy. I say, hiya. All right, now, let's get somebody in here to clean up this, uh, vegetable garden, huh? Yeah, that's for the sportswriters.
    
    STARSKY:  Hey, Hutch. I gotta go to the bathroom.
    
    HUTCH: Well, don't worry about it. I'll keep you away from him.
    
    STARSKY: You don't understand. I gotta go to the bathroom.
    
    HUTCH: Don't worry about it.
    
    HUTCH: All right. All right, gentlemen. Let's see you out here. Now, look, gentlemen, I don't wanna see no illegal hits with a closed fist. Like that.
    
    STARSKY: What are you doing?
    
    HUTCH: I don't wanna see no nose pulling. I don't wanna see no biting. I don't wanna see no illegal punches with elbows.
    
    GRANGE: Oof!
    
    HUTCH: You understand that?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, I understand, but what about him?
    
    HUTCH: All right, gentlemen. I want you to try to stay away from the ropes. I want you to give the folks a good show. I want you to go back to your corners. And I want you to... to wait for the bell.
    
    HUGGY: Okay, you remember everything me and Hutch told you.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, uh-- I do. Uh...
    
    HUGGY: Hey, you feel a little tense.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, boy.
    
    HUTCH: I think I'll hold onto this till later.
    
    STARSKY: Uh-- Uh-- I... Oh... Oh-oh-- Oh... Oh. I get-- I gotta go. I...
    
    HUGGY: Watch it-- Whoa, hey, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Oh!
    
    HUGGY: You missed me.
    
    HUTCH: All right, play fair, boys. Play fair.
    
    REESE: Like two wild predators, they stalk each other around the ring. Hammerlock, the aggressor. The Golden Angel, more cautious, staking out his territory.
    
    HUTCH: We'll wait until you-- 
    
    STARSKY: Whoa! Oh, no! Oh!
    
    REESE: Somehow, Hammer has lost his footing. And the Angel's back on his feet
    and back in the match.
    
    HUTCH: Uh-uh-- Official. Suspension. Suspension.
    
    STARSKY: Hutch, I got him! Put the hands up. Whoa!
    
    HUGGY: Come on. Give him some bad stuff!
    
    HUTCH: Tell-- Tell him to put that man down.
    
    STARSKY: Hutch!
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, yeah, put that man down.
    
    STARSKY: Oh-- Oh-- Oh!
    
    HUTCH: I said, put that man down.
    
    GRANGE: I put him down!
    
    HUTCH: Uh-- Oh.
    
    HUGGY: Come on, Angel, move.
    
    STARSKY: Hutch! Hutch! Over here. Over here. Ah!
    
    REESE: Mercy, faith and speak of the devil. Hammer's got the champ in an airplane spin, and it looks like good night, Irene, for the Golden Angel.
    
    HUTCH: One, two-- I'm sorry about that-- three, four, five!
    
    HUGGY: Come on, man, show me what you got.
    
    STARSKY: No-- No!
    
    REESE: Champion is making a comeback--
    
    BOONE: No! Impostor!
    
    STARSKY: Huh?
    
    REESE: Wait a minute. There's been an interruption. A second Golden Angel has appeared.
    
    STARSKY: Get out of here! That guy is an impostor! Get out of here! He is a liar!
    
    BOONE: Get the hell out of here! Get out of my face!
    
    BOONE: He's an imposter! 
    
    HUTCH: Get out of here. 
    
    BOONE: This man is a liar! This man is a fake! I am the Golden Angel.
    
    STARSKY: No way!
    
    BOONE: Can you be the Golden Angel? 
    
    STARSKY: No! I am the Golden Angel!
    
    REESE: There is a second Golden Angel in the ring. There are now two Golden Angels in the ring. 
    
    HUTCH: Smiling Tommy Reese, I can't work under these conditions.
    
    REESE: Get back in there.
    
    HUTCH: No pictures, please. No pictures, please. (on phone) Hello? Sorry, he's busy. (end)
    
    STARSKY: I'll show you the proof that I'm the Golden Angel. I will prove it now. If I can point to the one woman whom I love dearer than life itself. if this woman, who I plan to marry, can come from the stands and when she can point to me and identify me, that will be my proof.
    
    REESE: How can she possibly identify a man in a mask?
    
    BOONE: They're not gonna buy it. Are you gonna buy that?
    
    REESE: They're right, folks. They're right. It can be done.
    
    STARSKY: Candy! Candy, come forth!
    
    AUDIENCE: (chants) Choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose. choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, Choose, choose, choose, choose, choose, choose. 
    
    REESE: Please, please, please! Let us try to settle this terrible problem in a civilized manner.
    
    STARSKY: Then there is only one way to answer this challenge.
    
    REESE: Are you saying--?
    
    STARSKY: Yes!
    
    REESE: Are you trying to tell me--?
    
    STARSKY: Yes!
    
    REESE: Are you trying to tell everyone here tonight, and all the hundreds of thousands of fans watching at home...
    
    STARSKY: Yes!
    
    REESE: ...that you are willing to remove your mask?
    
    STARSKY: No! But I will.
    
    REESE: If it has to be done, it has to be done.
    
    CAMILLE: She's lying. She's lying! They're all lying! I know who the man is!
    
    HUTCH: You're too slow!
    
    CAMILLE: Death to the hero! I wreak violence to end violence! You-- Don't make violence. Give him violence. Death to the devils of the ring!
    
    HUTCH: Space chicken.
    
    CAMILLE: Death to the devils of the ring! Of the ring!
    
    HUTCH: Take her out of here.
    
    DOBEY: All right, take her out of here.
    
    CAMILLA: Death to the devils of the ring! Death to the devils of the ring!
    
    DOBEY: All right, let's go. Come on!
    
    STARSKY: Hey, captain.
    
    DOBEY: Oh. You people, sit down there. Get down.
    
    GRANGE: Buzzy, we got a fight to start and finish. You with me or not?
    
    BOONE: Yeah. Let's do it.
    
    STARSKY: You gotta finish what you started. You're the referee.
    
    HUTCH: Oh.
    
    REESE: This is Smiling Tommy Reese, bringing you the world championship wrestling telecast of the decade. Don't change that channel.
    
    
    **Interior - Day -4th St. Gym**
    
    REESE: Well, well, it looks as though we're in business again, huh?
    
    BOONE: It was nice of Starsky to throw this little party, wasn't it?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, sure, that was the least he could do for the champion.
    
    HUGGY: Yeah, he can pay for it out of his pocket change if the will reads as expected.
    
    HUTCH: You know something, Buzzy-- 
    
    CANDY: I'm just glad you're alive.
    
    HUTCH: You know something, Buzzy. What I don't understand is your ex-wife. 
    
    HUGGY: She's the most violent pacifist I've even seen.
    
    BOONIE: Oh, who knows. She always claimed she hated violence, but deep down inside I think she just hated me. Hey, look who's here.
    
    HUTCH: Well...
    
    BOONE: The man, Starsky.
    
    HUGGY: Well, the West Side J. Paul Getty.
    
    HUTCH: Hey, so how'd it go, Mr. Maserati?
    
    STARSKY: Uh... Where's the caterer here?
    
    CATERER: Right here.
    
    STARSKY: Oh. You're the caterer. Say, uh, you wouldn't mind telling me what a little to-do like this would be setting a guy back, would you?
    
    CATERER: Conservatively speaking, including the special order of rum raisin bonbons that you insisted upon: Two hundred and thirty-three dollars and ninety-eight cents.
    
    BOONE: Chump change.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, well, that's nothing.
    
    BOONE: Chicken feed.
    
    GRANGE: I already got it.
    
    CATERER: Payable now.
    
    STARSKY: Now? Uh... You got nine bucks on you?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, sure. Why?
    
    BOONE: He's got the money. Don't worry about it.
    
    HUTCH: This is straight from your uncle's will, huh? I thought he was gonna leave, uh, $10 million.
    
    STARSKY: He did. Seven daughters, eight sons, 11 kids, twenty-three grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, seven charities... and 53 nieces and nephews.
    
    HUTCH: Of which you were one.
    
    STARSKY: The last one.
    
    END
    


End file.
